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For instance, if you repress your anger to ensure closeness, you stand a good chance of alienating your partner, unaware that you may be expressing your anger indirectly.
When this happens you cannot communicate effectively, nor take into consideration your needs and the needs of your partner.
Thus, we have the dilemma of intimacy: How can we be close enough to feel secure and safe, without feeling threatened by too much closeness?
The less room there is to navigate this distance, more difficult the relationship.
Consequently, the child does not develop a healthy sense of self.
Instead, the child discovers that love and approval comes with meeting the mother’s needs, and tunes into the mother’s responses and expectations.
A person may feel both abandoned if his or her feelings and needs are not responded to, and at the same time, engulfed by the needs of his or her partner.