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Through the many phone calls and emails, we started chatting about our hobbies and discovered we shared a taste in music as well as a similar sense of humor.We hit it off so much that I suggested, the following week, that we should do lunch, and he agreed.If he’s already feeling awkward about having had to extract himself more than once from a lunch date that he didn’t really want, that joke has a high chance of signaling that you’re a little miffed about it and/or that you hadn’t picked up on his cues about not really wanting to have lunch.Change the genders here and it gets easier to see why his next move might be to revert to chilly professionalism with you.and don’t tease them about it if they don’t, no matter how good-naturedly you mean it.
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Picture this letter from a woman: “I helped a colleague with an IT issue and had a polite, friendly conversation with him.
He asked me out to lunch and I agreed, but later felt uncomfortable with it and canceled.
It’s possible he was offended by the joke about his self-importance, but I’d bet that he thought you were pushing for more of a relationship than he wants and now is trying to signal that to you by keeping it strictly professional.
Here’s why I think that: You initiated the lunch suggestion, which he did agree to — but people often agree in the moment without being fully enthused, simply because they can’t think of a non-awkward way to say no.
So he gets himself out of lunch, but then the next time he sees you, you make a joke that implies that he’s a self-important blowhard for not having lunch with you.